Been spending time with the Lord this morning, and it’s been GLORIOUS! Got some housework done, and then I felt as though the Lord was calling me in unto Himself, for some private time with Him. I don’t often, or at least up until now, haven’t often, shared about such experiences, but I feel compelled by the Holy Spirit to do so with like, the 5 people who might read this, haha! Anywho… As you may know from previous posts of mine, I have been struggling with my health over the past couple months. I think there’s been some degree of resolution, with at least one portion of the health problems. So, this might sound kinda crazy, but I think that source of some, if not all, of my sleeplessness, was loneliness. Yup, as 1950’s pop-song as that sounds, I think it mighta been true. The Lord has been gracious to provide me with some great fellowship as of late, and I’m EXTREMELY fulfilled by it, perhaps more to come on that later (and perhaps not!), but I don’t want to focus on the ending or concluding action of this particular struggle.
Going back a few months, to the end of last year, maybe November or December of 2011 I remember feeling this deep, aching sense of loneliness. It seemed to go all the way down to the bones, like some kind of cancer or life-threatening disease. I know that this sounds dramatic, but that is honestly how it felt. Growing up I was rather emotionally numb, so some of these kinds of emotions, especially their intensities, are VERY new to me. I used to be so numb that I thought being ’emotionally consistent’ was a gift of the Spirit or something. Now, of course, I’m not suggesting that we ought to be living by our emotions as we seek to follow after the Lord, BUT it does say in the word that the GREATEST commandment is to serve the Lord with all we are – and He made us with emotions just as much as intellect, flesh and bone, right? With all that being said, I’ve come to the conclusion with much prayer etc. that the Lord let me have these extremely strong and overwhelming emotions as teaching tools.
When I was young, I couldn’t handle any emotions, really – so I just didn’t have them or stuffed them or.. however that worked! When I started to get to know the Lord more personally and was asking Him about how to become healthy and whole and all that He wanted me to be, one of the first things I remember about that process was to become more sensitive, more aware to emotions – those of others and those of myself as well. When I got emotions that were too much for me to handle, I employed 1 Peter 5:7 and I cast those things onto the Lord, and you know what He did – HE TOOK ‘EM! Praise God, he took ’em right off my hands, ’cause He knew I couldn’t handle ’em. I didn’t have the tools or the emotional maturity to deal with that just yet. In this most present season of my life, however, in the Lord’s mercy and grace He didn’t just take them from me. He left them on me for awhile, so I could learn how to deal with them. In God’s infinite wisdom, which some paint as malice, He allowed me to suffer with these new pains, even to the point of physical manifestations. He gave me the tools to handle them day by day, letting trustworthy friends in on the deeper-than-surface level of how I was doing, and learning how to be comforted as often / more than often than I was comforting others for a season. I now have a whole ‘nother level of appreciation for Laura Story’s song, “Blessings”. Just sayin’…. ( & Congrats to her for the Dove award, by the way!)
May God Bless Each of You and May You Have His Emotions While On His Path for You,